Unsolicited Advice

When I have a baby (woah no one freak out, we're talking in the future here) I might be reallllly tempted to make them wear this whenever I go out.

Sometimes I really do not like unsolicited advice, that is advice not asked for and often times from people I don't know.

In my experience, most of the time when people give me advice when I haven't asked for it it can be hurtful. Sometimes it turns into one of these three things. 

1. They think their experience is the only way something is going to happen, therefore they have the one and only right answer.

2. It turns into a memoir of just their experiences. They don't care about giving you advice, they just want to tell you all about their experiences almost in a bragging way.

3. It turns into a session about what they just KNOW you'll do and how you shouldn't do that.

Here I'll make up some examples of each.

1. "Oh... well my wedding colors were yellow and grey, and don't get me wrong they're great colors but it turned out to look really tacky. They looked horrible"

    "Don't go on a cruise for your honeymoon. We did and it was terrible"

    "Don't do an outdoors reception, it's so hot and you'll always regret doing it"

Very general examples but you get the point. What bothers me about this one is that the person doesn't realize that there's more than one way to do things! I can do yellow and grey and I bet you it won't look tacky and horrible. Dan and I both want to go on a cruise and we're going to have a blast. I can have an out door open house in Colorado and don't have to regret it just because you did. There is more than one way to do things, that's what makes living life so fun! Maybe if these statements were presented in a different way, like they actually cared and didn't want my wedding to look tacky and wanted it to looked great, I would see their genuine concern and appreciate the advice. But when people say don't do this because of my experience and this is the ONLY way, I feel kind of boxed in.

2. Okay I didn't want to write an example for this because it's usually long. I'm sure you all can imagine someone just going off about their own wedding almost in a bragging way, mentioning things you should do but in a way that makes you feel that it could never be done just as good as theirs. So it's like offering advice but also saying that they're never going to achieve the goal out come.

Really as I think about this one I'm finding that I think people just like hearing themselves talk and creating that perfect reality by telling someone about it. With all these it's the intent behind it. When this happens, as the receiver of the advice, I do not feel cared about by the advice giver. I don't feel like they're giving me this advice because they care.

3. I've heard both of these A LOT.

    " You're going to be so stressed out with wedding planning. You're going to be so stressed out the day of that it's really not that enjoyable. I would have rather just eloped."

    "You're going to spend so much more money than you need to"

Okay these are legitimate concerns, who wants to be stressed out on their wedding day? No one and no one wants to spend a lot of money either.. well as least I don't. So I could see some genuine concern when these statements are given to me. But what gets me, is that most of the time it's from people I don't know. They don't know if I'm a stressful person or not and they don't know how much money I have or want to spend on my wedding. But these people are SO SURE that I won't enjoy my wedding because I'm too stressed and that I will be BROKE and always regret how much money I spent.

This is so funny to me because the wedding 6 weeks away and I'm not freaking out. I don't freak out (most of the time) and I feel like I have almost everything done! Dan and I have been so good about spreading the wedding things out so that there isn't a crunch in the end. I took out a lot of things from a traditional wedding and they're things I don't have to stress about anymore.

If  the person is genuinely caring about me and my wedding then, great, bring it on! I love receiving tid bits of help. Why do you think I love pinterest? Haha and I have seen any one of these three way demonstrated in a caring way and it can totally work!

I feel like when you have kids this will get worse. I heard tons of stories about how new moms receiving unsolicited advice that can be very rude, hurtful or demeaning. And that's why the shirt above might come in handy!

Advice is great especially from those who have been in the position before. It'd be unintelligent to not listen to those who have gone through the same experience. I love advice! I especially love it when it's given in kindness, love and thoughtfulness. So that's why I want to make sure the advice I give is welcomed, asked for or given in a genuine way. I'm sure I've done some of the exact things that bug me but now I'm making a resolve not to. You should join me :)

BOTTOM LINE: Next time you're giving advice ask yourself; Do I know this person? Did they ask for my advice? Am I giving this person advice because I actually cared about that person and the situation he/she's is in?